I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
