As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
