Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
