Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
