Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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