Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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