Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
