he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
