u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
