your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
