life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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