Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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