Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
