Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
