Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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