no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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