Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
