ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
