i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
