...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
