i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she told me i tasted like america
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
