I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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