Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it was like eating out sand paper
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
