4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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