I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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