I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
