moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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