i just wanna soil my oats bro
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
