I CAN MOONWALK!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
