I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
