God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
