come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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