How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Buhtt sex?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
