I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the day after is always just damage control
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
