We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
