i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
