Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
