Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
