last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
