I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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