You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can't just leave with hair like that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
