So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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