I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
