i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
In America we eat man semen.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
