So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
