There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
