It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You've changed since you got that strap on
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
