Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
