Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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