everyone is single if you try hard enough
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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