Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
smell my finger.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
