Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
