we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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