I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
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