There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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